I dunno, man...

[caitsith]

...how did I become the Transgender Avenger?  I know that some trans people on the Internet think I am a bad, bad, evil bigot person because I suggested that a cis woman's discomfort with their assumptions about gender POSSIBLY MIGHT NOT be rooted in privilege.  I also didn't like the word "cisgender" as applied to me, but not for the reasons they assumed.*  I shall not name the persons involved but I think said individual and zir friends are idiots.  I have often been uncomfortable with the tendency to equate the felt experience of being a man or a woman with social constructions of same (which is what I see some trans people doing).  I don't think that merely being trans reinscribes gender oppression, that's silly.  But I do think doing that can.  Can, doesn't have to.  

But ya know, just because I think you're an idiot, or that you're stepping on my toes, doesn't mean that I want people to exclude you or be an asshole to you.  And people keep saying stupid things about trans people in front of me, and I keep opening my mouth.  Incident #1:  One of the local Pagan groups I am a member of was approached by a nudist resort about having events there, which is all right.  Except they have a policy against "transvestites" (their word).  I and several other members of the group said, "Um. No."   For these reasons:  1) we don't want to support exclusionary policies even at one remove, 2) we don't want to have to exclude potential members/attendees from some of our events because of where we have them, and 3) we DEFINITELY don't want to have to put that on our literature or announcements, as it would tend to put people off even from events they "could" come to.  Also, my fourth, Capricornian reason:  4) I don't want to enter into any financial/business relationship with people who clearly have their heads up their asses.

Incident #2:  I passed on a call for an anthology I have a poem in, because the editor wants more trans/genderqueer pieces for it.  One of the places I passed it on was a Women's Studies list.   I got a rude e-mail off-list about it.   (The author was subtle enough not to attack the gender elements directly, but insinuated that the constraints meant the anthology was of low quality.)   I told that person off and e-mailed the moderator....again, on the grounds that this kind of thing creates a hostile environment for trans folk and We Do Not Want That.  She agreed with me and promised to do something about it.


*I would describe myself as cissexual but not cisgendered....neither cisgendered nor transgendered, but somewhere else.  The distinction there is where a lot of my opinions come from...including the one about how you should not jump to conclusions about to whom you are speaking.

Comments

[ankaret]

I can totally understand not wanting to enter into a business relationship with bigots.

[caitsith]

There's the failure of ethics part, and then there's the stupid part. Either way, they don't get my (our) money.

For extra awesome, the excuse for why they didn't allow it was that it was "too hard" to explain to a child why a man was wearing a woman's clothes.

My reactions to that were: 1) "No, it isn't," and 2) "...at a nudist resort? Are you serious?"

[ankaret]

I boggled for a moment over that too, even though I know some people do wear clothes at nudist resorts. I mean, what were they planning to do, police women in overly masculine tennis shoes and men whose jewellery they disapproved of?

And how is 'People wear all different kinds of clothes' any harder to say to a kid than 'We don't wear clothes at the resort, but we wear clothes to school'?

[caitsith]

Yes. My take is that they were aware that "we don't want trans people because they make us uncomfortable" sounded bad, so they were grasping at straws. This actually spun off into a fairly productive discussion (within the Pagan group) about how being fringe/minority yourself doesn't necessarily grant magical powers of perspective (or compassion) when dealing with other fringe/minority groups. Even though you'd think it ought to.

[ravan]

I hate the assumption that if you appear to be built very cisgendered, that's what you really are or wish to be, and that you are automatically cissexual too.

[ravan]

This actually spun off into a fairly productive discussion (within the Pagan group) about how being fringe/minority yourself doesn't necessarily grant magical powers of perspective (or compassion) when dealing with other fringe/minority groups. Even though you'd think it ought to.

I encounter this all over, not just in pagan circles.

[caitsith]

Oh, sure. But the Pagan group was where this conversation was happening; we were the ones who were trying to decide as an entity whether it was worth entering into any kind relationship with the nudist resort such as having events there.

[caitsith]

Well, I'm comfortable in the body I was issued, for the most part. But I do not have a very strong felt sense of being "a woman" per se; I know I'm a woman because that's what people call me. But other than the process of being pregnant, which was very intense, I don't really *think of myself* in those terms. I am also not comfortable with the constraints and expectations that other people try to place on me, based on the conclusions they draw from looking at me; further, I have gender whims, in that some days I'm girly and some days I'm kind of butch. There's some kind of rhythm to it but I've never bothered to track it. That and my aggressiveness unnerve the shit out of people, apparently. I see this as their problem, but if all those things connected in my head more strongly I could see how it might make me more deeply uncomfortable.

[ravan]

The thing that doesn't "fit" me is all the stuff bundled up with being "a woman". I despise the pigeonhole.

I am also not comfortable with the constraints and expectations that other people try to place on me, based on the conclusions they draw from looking at me; further, I have gender whims, in that some days I'm girly and some days I'm kind of butch.

This. Just because nature saddled me with big boobs doesn't mean I should have to conform to other's expectations of "womanhood".

That's why I really support the unlinking of gender role expectations and physical presentation. Because being shaped in a certain way shouldn't force you to act according to a certain set of expectations.

It's like saying every tall person (male or female) must excel at basketball, and play it all their lives. That tall person shouldn't have to have their legs shortened to be allowed to stay off the basketball court. (Yes, the analogy is silly, but so are gender roles, IMO.)

[ravan]

At least your group got it, the resort was clueless.

[caitsith]

Yes. The group is a "community resource" discussion/social group for Pagans. The initial debate, such as it was, revolved around 1) how much of a problem do we think this really is, given that most trans people we know are not crazy about nekkid socializing with people they don't know anyhow, 2) what kind of message are we sending if we go with it, and 3) can we educate the people at the resort and get them to change their policy? NOBODY said, "I don't see what the big deal is."